Holiday Survival Guide: Family Style

This guide provides tools for navigating our families during the holidays. It includes questions from listeners with answers and advice from Dr. Andrea Bonior, a licensed clinical psychologist.

If we feel alienated during the holidays or choose not to celebrate, we can create traditions that are meaningful for us.

If we aren’t accepted by the family because of our gender and sexuality identity, we can find an affirming ally who can help the family accept us. We can also prepare an exit strategy, whether that means changing the topic of conversation, leaving the space altogether, or even choosing not to attend at all.

If we have family members who are conflicted about what the holidays, notably Thanksgiving, mean and represent, we can provide space for them to share their concerns. We may be able to learn from them.

If we are the matriarchs who take on the labor of caring for others and who respond to family members' needs and desires during the holidays, we can ask for help and support. We don’t have to do it all.

When the halloween candy goes on sale and the dulcet tones of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" are piping out of every store speaker, it can mean GO TIME for some folks. But there are also a lot of people who get a very familiar pit in their stomach when the holidays roll around. Holidays can mean exhaustion, confronting familial trauma, managing your uncle's opinions and all kinds of overload.

SOURCE: NPR • AUTHOR: Julia Furlan • LAST UPDATED: November 14, 2019