Loving Relationships and Vulvovaginal Pain

Society often assumes that penetrative sex is a part of heterosexual marriage, but what happens when that’s not possible? In this episode of the Tight Lipped podcast, Jazzmine and Jordan share how they navigate Jazzmine’s vaginismus in their marriage. They also talk about sociological, legal, and historical perspectives on vaginismus and chronic vulvovaginal pain conditions.

Jazzmine and Jordan have been together for eight years, and they don’t have penetrative sex. Jazzmine has struggled with pain during penetration for years. She experienced pain during vaginal and cervical exams at the doctor’s office, hip pain, discomfort with tampons, and difficulty controlling her bladder. Because she and her husband were long-distance, they didn’t attempt penetrative sex much when they were dating. They assumed that everything would work out once they were married; however, nothing changed. Jazzmine was eventually diagnosed with vaginismus.

Jazzmine struggled with feeling unworthy and even contemplated suicide. She couldn’t have sex with her husband and might not be able to have children with him. She tried everything to address it, but nothing worked. The attempts to fix the issue affected her physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. She and her husband Jordan had to define what intimacy and sex looks and feels like for them and are pursuing reproductive technologies such as IUI and IVF to create the family that they both desire.

If you’re listening and you’re like I have vaginismus, and I can’t find love, I hope for you to know that you can. That somebody could be out there, whether that’s a romantic relationship or a friend, that somebody is going to love you or some people are going to love you the way that you deserve.

Note on terminology: There’s debate in the medical world about whether "vaginismus" as a diagnosis is outdated, and if it should still be used (discussed at 19:05 in the episode). Along with some disturbing historical baggage, the term "vaginismus" describes a symptom, rather than the underlying medical condition causing a patient's pain -- often pelvic floor dysfunction or vestibulodynia.

SOURCE: Tight Lipped • AUTHOR: Olivia Goode • LAST UPDATED: June 2, 2023