My Story: Feelings Around Having an Abortion

By Saniya Ghanoui —

MC describes her thought process behind getting an abortion. She shares some of the feelings she had during her experience.


OBOS Today: Having those emotions, in terms of wishing maybe things were different, or maybe not having such a, not maybe being such an easy decision or easy thing to let go with that ever those two things of wanting to have an abortion, being pro-choice and then also maybe dealing with more emotions towards the possibility of someday having a child, making it being a little bit more of a difficult decision did those two things are those hard to kind of have the same time, did you ever feel like those were competing or didn’t know how to really understand that as being pro-choice? 

MC: Yeah, I guess I guess you could say so, I actually still have a lot of conflict just about whether it’s even, like right to have a kid at all at this juncture. Just because of climate change and then obviously there’s like a lot of kids that need homes, you know foster kids are kids that, babies that need adoption or older kids and so yeah. it’s, it’s kind of— I have the same thing about getting a dog. I’d really love golden retrievers, but I feel kind of you know, being liberal, there’s kind of pressure to adopt don’t shop, though, and obviously I know that’s important, but so I’d say it’s kind of like yeah, is it, is it selfish to not get an abortion currently, um, because yeah that kid might not even have a planet. You know, and they definitely would, I’m sure, I have second thoughts about having kids, even if the planet is okay for a little longer, you know I’m sure, you know, hopefully, things will turn around, but you know it’s touch and go here, the climate stuff obviously, so yeah, I have a lot of fears about that, but I’d say even. Even if we weren’t dealing with the climate crisis. I’m just, yeah, also like yeah, Is it right to bring another life when there’s already lives that need homes?, so I thought about that um and that definitely plays into my decision so, I’m not, I don’t think I specifically answered your question, though, maybe we could ask it again like. 

OBOS Today: I really do appreciate the answer and I have been trying to find a better way to ask it, I guess, maybe. Sometimes the pro-choice movement can be very geared towards not having shame or not feeling, you’re not feeling shame you don’t have to have regrets, you don’t have to treat this as such a big issue you’re allowed to live your life, which is very fair, but did you ever feel specifically with your second abortion may be having more of an emotional reaction was it ever. Did you ever feel either excluded from the movement or in any way kind of conflicted of your personal feelings compared to some of the ideas and living without regrets or shame that is kind of tied to being pro-choice, sometimes? 

MC: Okay yeah, I’m saying, um, I don’t think I felt excluded by the movement or misunderstood or, or anything. Because I, because I never actually considered keeping it. it was not never am any logical consideration, it was just a bit of a sadness that I wish things were different. Also, I had been like consuming alcohol so, I, that, that’s like a another huge, huge one why I would never have actually kept it, just because I know, you don’t want to mess with your alcohol syndrome um, and, yeah but I don’t I think, like, I guess my short answer would be no, um, and when I also, yeah I guess, I, I don’t feel regret or anything I would say I probably didn’t feel any other feelings that I wasn’t quote “supposed” to feel or I guess you could say. Maybe, yeah, I yeah it was it was more that I just wish things were different. and I’m guessing if things were different, maybe I would have felt excluded from movement, like if there had been any actual logical debate in my mind like, you know, if I had money, if I hadn’t been drinking, if maybe the relationship was more serious. like, if the quote-unquote things had that I was kind of sad about not being there, if those things had been different, maybe there would have been a lot more conflict and maybe I would have felt, yeah, misunderstood or something, but, I think, just because of the very specific conditions that that didn’t really happen.

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