---
title: "TED Talk: What Can BDSM Teach Us About Affirmative Consent?"
date: 2021-12-01T03:00:00-05:00
author: OBOS Admin
canonical_url: "https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/what-can-bdsm-teach-us-about-affirmative-consent"
section: Resources
---
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[Health & Sexuality Info](/health-info)# TED Talk: What Can BDSM Teach Us About Affirmative Consent?

Consent is more than “no means no” and involves positive mutual decisions about acceptable and unacceptable activities. In this TEDx talk, Candace Liger outlines the trauma-informed model for consent that she crafted through her work in BDSM.

> I like saying yes more than I like saying no. Consent is powerful. Not only is it powerful, it's liberating and kind of sexy. At bare minimum, consent is considerate.

SOURCE: TedXGreensboro • AUTHOR: Candace Liger • LAST UPDATED: December 1, 2021

![](/assets/img/monogram.webp)Topics

- [ sexualities, gender, and relationships](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/subject-area/sexualities-gender-relationships)
- [ consent & mutuality](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/themes/consent-mutuality)
- [BIPOC (black, indigenous, and people of color)](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/bipoc-black-indigenous-and-people-of-color)
- [bodily autonomy](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/bodily-autonomy)
- [boundaries](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/boundaries)
- [consent](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/consent)
- [kink](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/kink)
- [trauma](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/trauma)
- [Black / African American](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/black-african-american)

![](/assets/img/monogram.webp)### *Why You Can* **Trust Us** 

- We rigorously evaluate all content
- We embrace a reproductive justice framework
- We don’t accept ads or sell products
- We reject funding from the pharmaceutical industry
- We counter misinformation and disinformation
- We address the social, political, and economic factors that affect health and sexuality

[read more](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/why-you-can-trust-us)

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##### More to Explore

[Stories & ConversationsWatch

## Dealing with the Stigmatization of Sexuality

SA shares how gaps in her sex education curriculum growing up failed to prepare her for sex. She discusses her desire for sex-positive sex education.

![Steph](data:image/png;base64,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)

SA shares how gaps in her sex education curriculum growing up failed to prepare her for sex. She discusses her desire for sex-positive sex education.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/my-story-dealing-with-the-stigmatization-of-sexuality)

[ResourcesRead

## A Disabled Person's Guide to Talking With Your Partner(s) About Sex

Disabled writer Carrie Kaufman created this excellent guide for disabled people who want help communicating sexually with their partners.

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Disabled writer Carrie Kaufman created this excellent guide for disabled people who want help communicating sexually with their partners.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/a-disabled-persons-guide-to-talking-with-your-partners-about-sex)

[Stories & ConversationsWatch

## Dealing with Infertility

ES describes her journey of infertility as she and her husband tried to get pregnant and a painful procedure with a male doctor while seeking a diagnosis.

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ES describes her journey of infertility as she and her husband tried to get pregnant and a painful procedure with a male doctor while seeking a diagnosis.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/my-story-dealing-with-infertility)

[ResourcesRead

## A Report on American Indian and Alaska Native LGBT Adults in the US

A report on American Indian and Alaska Native LGBT adults in the United States, with information on how aging and care impact those populations and communities.

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A report on American Indian and Alaska Native LGBT adults in the United States, with information on how aging and care impact those populations and communities.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/a-report-on-american-indian-and-alaska-native-lgbtqia-adults-in-the-us)

[Stories & ConversationsWatch

## Identifying What Contraception Works Best for You

AB explains what she would advise about choosing a method of birth control.

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AB explains what she would advise about choosing a method of birth control.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/my-story-identifying-what-contraception-works-best-for-you)

[Stories & ConversationsRead

## If I Had Listened to Abortion Protesters, Things Would Be Different

A'yen talks about the forces that tried to prevent her from getting an abortion and how grateful she is that she was able to make the choice that was best for her.

![abortiontshirt](data:image/png;base64,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)

A'yen talks about the forces that tried to prevent her from getting an abortion and how grateful she is that she was able to make the choice that was best for her.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/if-i-had-listened-to-abortion-protesters)

[ResourcesRead

## About the Intersex Rights Movement

A deep exploration of key intersex rights activism -- struggling against a society that incorrectly assumes sexual anatomy is always binary.

![A hand painted yellow with a purple circle on it, appearing to be the intersex flag](data:image/png;base64,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)

A deep exploration of key intersex rights activism -- struggling against a society that incorrectly assumes sexual anatomy is always binary.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/about-the-intersex-rights-movement)

[ResourcesRead

## The Social Determinants of Health in Breast Cancer Care

A survey of community-based, organizational, and clinical barriers to care demonstrates that life stressors impact treatment and health outcomes, something holistic practitioners have known for a very long time.

![African American mother covering face while sitting by unpaid bills, children playing behind her at home.](data:image/png;base64,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)

A survey of community-based, organizational, and clinical barriers to care demonstrates that life stressors impact treatment and health outcomes, something holistic practitioners have known for a very long time.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/social-determinants-breast-cancer-care)