---
title: "The Science of Saving Your Sex Life: On Desire, Arousal, and Pleasure"
date: 2015-03-27T03:00:00-04:00
author: OBOS Admin
canonical_url: "https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/the-science-of-saving-your-sex-life-on-desire-arousal-and-pleasure"
section: Resources
---
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[Health & Sexuality Info](/health-info)# The Science of Saving Your Sex Life: On Desire, Arousal, and Pleasure

Emily Nagoski debunks some sticky and unhelpful sex myths that get in the way of satisfaction. She explains the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire and provides scientifically accurate advice on desire, arousal, and pleasure.

> We talk a lot about how much we want sex (or not) — and drug companies are trying to help us want it more. They would like to be our fairy godmother. What if, instead, we talked about how much we enjoy sex (or not)? What if we talked about ways to create contexts that give us pleasure, rather than desire? What if we didn’t expect desire to be our fairy godmother, but our partner in playful, giggling crime?

[Read the full article ](https://medium.com/galleys/the-science-of-saving-your-sex-life-ed9cfeb4edd7)

SOURCE: Galleys on Medium • AUTHOR: Emily Nagoski • LAST UPDATED: March 27, 2015

![Pexels ketut subiyanto person kissing other on forehead scaled jpg](data:image/png;base64,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) Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels

![](/assets/img/monogram.webp)Topics

- [ sexualities, gender, and relationships](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/subject-area/sexualities-gender-relationships)
- [sexual arousal](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/sexual-arousal)
- [sexual desire](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/sexual-desire)
- [intimacy](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/tags/intimacy)

![](/assets/img/monogram.webp)### *Why You Can* **Trust Us** 

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- We reject funding from the pharmaceutical industry
- We counter misinformation and disinformation
- We address the social, political, and economic factors that affect health and sexuality

[read more](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/why-you-can-trust-us)

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##### More to Explore

[ResourcesRead

## A Disabled Person's Guide to Talking With Your Partner(s) About Sex

Disabled writer Carrie Kaufman created this excellent guide for disabled people who want help communicating sexually with their partners.

![Pexels judita tamosiunaite 2026764 scaled jpg](data:image/png;base64,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)

Disabled writer Carrie Kaufman created this excellent guide for disabled people who want help communicating sexually with their partners.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/a-disabled-persons-guide-to-talking-with-your-partners-about-sex)

[Stories & ConversationsRead

## Defining and Expressing Intimacy

What does intimacy look like? What do we need to be intimate with someone? What role does intimacy play in our relationships?

![allgo-an-app-for-plus-size-people-1VAmHZktns0-1536x1024](data:image/png;base64,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)

What does intimacy look like? What do we need to be intimate with someone? What role does intimacy play in our relationships?](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/conversations-defining-and-expressing-intimacy)

[Stories & ConversationsRead

## Media Representations of “Ideal” Relationships

Do you see yourself reflected in the media? Do you see relationships that mirror your own? How does the representation you see affect your sense of self?

![201611 IMG 0242 2 jpg](data:image/png;base64,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)

Do you see yourself reflected in the media? Do you see relationships that mirror your own? How does the representation you see affect your sense of self?](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/conversations-media-representations-of-ideal-relationships)

[Stories & ConversationsRead

## Being in a Relationship When You Don’t Like Your Body

"Almost every girl I knew complained about her body—about her stretch marks, the size of her hips, her breasts, her thighs. I always kept quiet. I was chubby and felt like if I complained, I wouldn’t get the reassurance that so many girls were looking for."

![201711youngwoman](data:image/png;base64,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)

"Almost every girl I knew complained about her body—about her stretch marks, the size of her hips, her breasts, her thighs. I always kept quiet. I was chubby and felt like if I complained, I wouldn’t get the reassurance that so many girls were looking for."](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/conversations-being-in-a-relationship-when-you-dont-like-your-body)

[Stories & ConversationsRead

## How Past Sexual Abuse or Violence Affects Relationships

How does experiencing violence or sexual abuse affect our intimate relationships? The conversation below is excerpted from an online discussion on relationships, identity, and sexuality.

![Pexels andrea piacquadio ptsd scaled e1661796367968 jpg](data:image/png;base64,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)

How does experiencing violence or sexual abuse affect our intimate relationships? The conversation below is excerpted from an online discussion on relationships, identity, and sexuality.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/stories-conversations/conversations-how-past-sexual-abuse-or-violence-affects-relationships)

[ResourcesRead

## Disabled Sex Yes!: Resources on Sex and Disability

A series from s.e. smith about sex and disability covering a range of issues. Suitable for all ages.

![Pexels eren li 7188960 scaled jpg](data:image/png;base64,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)

A series from s.e. smith about sex and disability covering a range of issues. Suitable for all ages.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/disabled-sex-yes-resources-on-sex-and-disability)

[ResourcesRead

## Orgasms After Cancer

Clear and detailed strategies for meeting the challenges of having an orgasm after cancer.

![valeria-boltneva-185481](data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACAAAAAgCAIAAAD8GO2jAAAACXBIWXMAAA7EAAAOxAGVKw4bAAAEv0lEQVRIiW1WXZrkuA0DQMpVPbPJbpLXXCLHyf2vsLvpKYtEHiS7a/LFdrtdtgT+gITEf//rn1Tk8RyPb4+Pb4/nx/H8eDyf43jkGJmDEikD3aiuc9Z51nmer9e5znmeNc+uiS6gCYuQQIKADACwDdj2+vl2vL+4v14P//ffFx4ApLuakBf6eu37uwG+m/I7gg3b7utaHordgGCDALL7JNxR7V6jbztvUezR2GFeYHavs7u70Q0UbBIQABLIWZ/ywR7V1d22G73nY18EgfsnjMvrdreru7q6anFgtggYEEnkPP9gvBAjaparVgwX+v9EcOfEdncv6OpaB3oS3XAIXjki83yBeTL+jPpWa4q735xdEdwZv9zvclf3rJ5V56ye0z2JEu2GRAki88cnYoD5e9Rfq2a5e3n5ZeMm2AaW+7UjqNl1zppz1jzdp9xiW1QgzCbz9Sf0AA5kfc6e7fcIbBi0yYt5G270imB2z6qz5jnPOk/0i66QWwjTEsX8/B0xwSdG/VH9t+reJG/HbYBv6boZXgTMqjnnOWedL9dLmK3uoE2HZOUnkJ/QC4/6MV2NbvuLA2JFcLPd20aXXd2z66z5mmfNl+en8MpoW0AYl4EB5MRstOdPDBN3rxkwrxoFfuK5a9ac8+X5H+EH3IDIBNOI/AEYeEyUUe6+ce876aubL5O3JW8mus46UT8CTYJu+UU3HHkCAopY0BcuQYDYikViNejXABhooC8z7bIbROASHLSh3IUYgG64G5ok1t0g6fUS2xLvYVj6GSAA3VdQkQkkoAMMMJLS0md+YRGLZO7jfiBFUSFFKAf4EF8KK0M5FEOKfBLjO8YTmYpIKShRezr3044EFywlhRSKiMjIkfSB+i4eGc6MzMgISfnxd+SB44E8fo0Yy8Y2w20JFAEKkqmvIyMyc+TwOIpGK3BkIIMjIkKS8ttfEInHE8f4PsYRkfuLpG1DoGDTIr3eR0RGZMbI7GMQXQF0BDuEDKYUQVH57TsicDz/cRwfI4/MjAhFcOdq89EgZckLPSIiMzOPMewW3EG4hA4hxQiGKDK/ffwmjfH45XF8jHFkjogMRawcS5JAyjBMWQqpI2JkVg4fDThXCJeBEEPbvfx4/iZlHo/H8TzyGJue+ClFEIg1ucIRnREVcYyEe3nuZYAWsWys8siP5y+UMo8xHu8RSCGuu0CtZUFCSBnRkZ29RF1AS+65jEkI4q7EfD4+KEWOMY5jjLFIeA9CARCEQBuh6HBGd6ZtwkF0cRFBQrS4VxuS+TieFCNGjmPkyBh5RyCREgXSBmQbCkS708PLfRfRkl303hRRFJcB5OM4QEVELPczVgXH7iWR2prRthC2I9xG9MrPKt61Ci9hlKDdlMgxDpJaZbcYvutn9bT2/oyyANuSI2QH7OWyRbTubd3V8iCZI3M3/oUeuktoywJIGMLSOIdWpkyb98qh9edL/bgELEckSEVoZea9hy8hWmUKmKQk25ZtIYJwAxDtpvvSWd4KmREBckvXxt8adMFfYwFSpEVZvZNuEUavnRPvCC5xRO5UfKX8HflCX+e9RuwxLbIp0dDe2bwvE2tWisKe9qbMuIH3eK8A9jYS78pt0nuR+mkNXCT8F2bTmAPi591kAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC)

Clear and detailed strategies for meeting the challenges of having an orgasm after cancer.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/orgasms-after-cancer)

[ResourcesRead

## How to Have Your First Orgasm: A Primer for Cisgender Women

People socialized as women in particular deal with a lot of conditioning that can get in the way of orgasm. Here are a few ways to explore your orgasmic potential.

![A smiling woman raises her hand to the sky as she sits on the bed](data:image/png;base64,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)

People socialized as women in particular deal with a lot of conditioning that can get in the way of orgasm. Here are a few ways to explore your orgasmic potential.](https://ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/how-to-have-your-first-orgasm-a-primer-for-cisgender-women)